First, let’s get one thing straight. I am not a van. Vans are altogether simpler creatures than me; they roll off production lines, one after another, and they all look just the same. They have about as much character as tin soldiers.
Moi? I am bespoke, dear. Made to measure, custom built, unique: the original ‘bit of posh’. Serious wheels…
Allow me to introduce myself. I am a Café Amore Field Facility; or rather ‘the’ Café Amore Field Facility. There is no other.
And I have to say I have issues with my adoptive parents. Take yesterday for example. I’m in the middle of having my über tasteful livery applied (by three terribly nice young men with ladders and blowtorches and ever such a gentle touch) when – without so much as a ‘by your leave’ – two grubby little oiks decide it might be a good idea to lift up my bonnet and have an exploratory rummage round my dipstick. Well, excuse me! I’m not one for freezing fingers on my private places. Have these people never heard of ‘inappropriate behaviour’? I’m not just ‘anybody’s’. I am exclusive, and don’t you forget it.
Worse still, I’m expected to remain out of doors at all times. Some fool decided I didn’t need a garage, and this is Bradford, for goodness sake! It is permanently cold and rainy and really, I think something should be done, such as relocation to Juan les Pins.
But I must admit to you that I so love all the attention! I have two guardians. There’s Alistair: he’s been looking at me all morning with a huge paternal smile on his face, bless him; then there’s Paul. He has big plans for me and he’s been barking orders to all and sundry, making sure I am beautiful. You might say he’s my Gok Wan. But you might not say it to his face…
So what can we look forward to? Years and years of me strutting my shiny stuff all over the UK, bringing Refreshment Systems’ coffee and vending solutions to caterers and FMs in their own back yard. In a couple of days I’ll be dressed to kill and ready to impress and then we’re having our first little trip out, to a place near Birmingham called the NEC. Paul says that stands for Not Even Close. I don’t think he likes it much. Be that as it may, I’ll be there from May 11-13, so why don’t you come up and see me?
Got to go now. But I’ll be back, and I’ll be writing more in my diary, which Paul says is a ‘blog’. Next time, I’ll tell you about more about all the up-market, expensive kit that I have inside me. It’ll be my anatomical special; you’ll see that I’m the ultimate in great taste. So, go ahead and join my fan club. You know you want to, and that way I can share all my adventures and let you know where that nice Paul is taking me next.
I really think he loves me…
Bye for now